Anyways, I was drunk in the shower the other morning and I realized that our country has changed so much since I was a kid. Especially with respect to our national symbols of pride.
When I was growing up, I would always hear about how great America was. This was accomplished via the many great sayings that tell you how great America is (and also why you should enlist!). As American as apple pie. As American as baseball. As American as jazz. As American as missionary sex on prom night.
What do they have in common that makes them excellent symbols of America? What imbues these disparate nouns and jokes with the spirit of America, the wholesome, typical America (the red states)?
Well they all have a rich history. And they were all fomented and/or perfected in America (come on, you're gonna tell me some other nation of fat bastards was gonna put a slice of fucking cheddar cheese on a dessert?)(Ok yea the English, but no one in England will ever read this).
And at least two of them heavily involved racism, the exploitation of black people, etc. But lets save the heavy stuff for a more qualified historian/documentarian. Coming soon...Ken Burns' Apple Pie.
These symbols are great, but they are very old. We need some contemporary ones to drum up support for America. A little boost in our national pride. If you haven't noticed, people are kinda snippy.
So I propose a symbol that represents America today, in 2012, so that the people of tomorrow (Nano-tech Augmented Chinese overlords) who, one day far in the future (lets hope) come across this blog (as they scan the few remaining servers that weren't rendered useless by an EMP bomb or giant radioactive badgers) will learn just a tad more about America in 2012 than they would have learned by simply going straight to Wikipedia.
The Second Fridge
Seriously, amirite? The second fridge says that you have made it (you own your own home and thus have the space and authoritah to stick a second fridge (the den, the garage, the shed, the back porch. Wherever youse likes to do your drinkin'). It means you have the money to purchase extra provisions and store/hoard them for convenience (much like the super rich are currently doing with gold, land and munitions).
It also means you are fat. And isn't that the most American symbol of all? As American as muffin tops and oatmeal arms.
When I was growing up, I would always hear about how great America was. This was accomplished via the many great sayings that tell you how great America is (and also why you should enlist!). As American as apple pie. As American as baseball. As American as jazz. As American as missionary sex on prom night.
What do they have in common that makes them excellent symbols of America? What imbues these disparate nouns and jokes with the spirit of America, the wholesome, typical America (the red states)?
Well they all have a rich history. And they were all fomented and/or perfected in America (come on, you're gonna tell me some other nation of fat bastards was gonna put a slice of fucking cheddar cheese on a dessert?)(Ok yea the English, but no one in England will ever read this).
And at least two of them heavily involved racism, the exploitation of black people, etc. But lets save the heavy stuff for a more qualified historian/documentarian. Coming soon...Ken Burns' Apple Pie.
These symbols are great, but they are very old. We need some contemporary ones to drum up support for America. A little boost in our national pride. If you haven't noticed, people are kinda snippy.
So I propose a symbol that represents America today, in 2012, so that the people of tomorrow (Nano-tech Augmented Chinese overlords) who, one day far in the future (lets hope) come across this blog (as they scan the few remaining servers that weren't rendered useless by an EMP bomb or giant radioactive badgers) will learn just a tad more about America in 2012 than they would have learned by simply going straight to Wikipedia.
The Second Fridge
Seriously, amirite? The second fridge says that you have made it (you own your own home and thus have the space and authoritah to stick a second fridge (the den, the garage, the shed, the back porch. Wherever youse likes to do your drinkin'). It means you have the money to purchase extra provisions and store/hoard them for convenience (much like the super rich are currently doing with gold, land and munitions).
It also means you are fat. And isn't that the most American symbol of all? As American as muffin tops and oatmeal arms.
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